My breastfeeding experience / 餵母乳的經驗

My breastfeeding ended before the two months mark. The beginning of breastfeeding wasn’t very successful. I started breastfeeding on the first day of the delivery. Feeding her every three hours even though I wasn’t sure if I had breast milk. Even during the first evening, she wasn’t sleeping very well. I should have told the nurse to take care of her, but I didn’t. I just couldn’t stop looking at this baby which just came out of my body. Every time she cried I tried to feed her. I thought she was hungry. Then, I noticed something…? One of my nipples was broken (bleeding a little from being sore)   :’( That was painful! I only could use the other side to feed her meanwhile taking care of the broken nipple. However, during the two days staying in the hospital, Calie dropped 10% of her weight. Usually babies loses some weight during the first few days but if the baby loses more than 10% of their birth weight, that’s not good. So, before we left the hospital, the nurse gave us some formula milk to prevent her from losing more weight. Since then, Calie was on half bottle and half breast feeding.

During the first month, I tried pumping every few hours. At beginning, I could tell the breast milk was increasing from a few drops to 2 oz each session. After the first month, we went out for dinner more frequently. Somehow, Calie didn’t digest very well. She had a lot of gas. We were thinking it might be influenced by my diet because some food might transfer to breast milk. Then I didn’t give her breast milk regularly. I guess that was one of the reasons my breast milk stopped increasing. Also, I didn’t drink enough water or soup. The breast milk was getting less and less. Even though I ate many lactation cookies but still… That’s how my breastfeeding journal ended.

There was a period of time I was debating if I should keep fighting for breastfeeding. I read many opinions online. I even asked the doctor. The doctor said if I couldn’t find joy during the nursing, then it is not worth doing it. The doctor said she didn’t have enough milk for her baby either. I’m glad the doctor was standing in mommy’s shoes because most people say nursing is better for baby but nobody really cares about mommy. I grew up by formula milk too. I didn’t have breast milk but I’m still healthy. There was nothing wrong feeding your baby formula milk instead of breast milk. Then I told Eddie I give up.

我的餵母乳過程在兩個月之前就結束了，從一開始其實就不是太順利，第一天生產完我就開始餵母乳，每三個小時就餵她，就算我根本也不知道我到底有沒有母乳，還是持續的塞奶，然後第一天的晚上，Calie就睡的不是很好，我應該要請護士幫我照顧的，但是我選擇母嬰同房，因為我就是會忍不住的一直看著這個剛剛從我肚子裡蹦出來的小妞，所以她只要一哭我就塞奶，因為不是尿布濕就是餓，殊不知其中一個乳頭就破皮了 :’( 真痛！我也只好用另外一邊餵她，同時好好照顧破掉的那邊。待在醫院的兩天，Calie的體重就掉了10%，通常寶寶一出生會掉一些體重，但是如過掉超過她出生時的10%那就不太好了，所以在我們出院前，護士給了我們一些配方奶，好讓Calie的體重可以維持住，從那天起， Calie就是一半配方奶一半母奶。

第一個月時，每幾個小時我就擠一次奶，一開始奶量還有越來越多，從幾滴到60毫升，但是一個月後，因為我們常常外出吃飯，Calie的消化變得不是很好，肚子有很多氣，我們猜想可能是因為一些外食的關係，從母奶影響到寶寶，所以我變得比較少餵她母奶，加上我喝的湯湯水水也越來越少，所以導致奶量也越來越少，就算我吃了很多幫助分泌乳汁的餅乾還是沒有改變，所以我的母奶之路就結束了。

我曾經有一度考慮是不是要繼續堅持母奶，也上網看了很多的意見，也問了醫生，醫生說如果過程一點都不開心，這樣一點都沒有意義，她說她自己也是沒有母奶的人，還好醫生是站在媽媽的立場著想，因為大部分的人都只會一直提到母奶對寶寶很好，但是很多人都忘記關心媽媽本身的心情，我自己本身就是喝配方奶長大的，我沒有母奶可以喝但是我還是很健康，所以配方奶或是母奶都好，因此我跟Eddie說我放棄了。